The two most expensive hours of babysitting in history. I

As many women before me have already said, being a working mum in Germany is terribly expensive.

Kinderkrippe, tagesmutter or babysitter for the months the kinderkrippe is closed, tax benefits you can’t claim, cleaning service (unless you are not scared of hepatitis), and many litters of alcohol essential in order to go through the day. At some point becomes obvious that baking muffins for the church would be a better alternative.

In Germany women with children are expected to work at most part time. And poor you if you decide to break this unwritten rule. It is like going to a governmental office and realizing your particular case cannot be explained with the boxes in the form. You are looking for trouble.

It is tempting to go for the part time job. Clean the desk at three p.m. and play with the kids in the park. He makes enough money for both… My friend, if you are thinking along these lines, know that you are not applying for a part time job. You are applying for a part time job and full time and on call responsibility in the family business. Whose career just became secondary? Whose turn is to take the kid to the doctor? Whose fault it is when there is no more clean clothes? How many times you can hear “where is my blue suit” before killing yourself? And who, in twenty years will be exactly in the same place as today? I perfectly understand there are a lot of women who feel terribly happy to be able to devote more hours to the family business. But I am not one of them. Ironing does to relax me, it drives me crazy. My cooking skills are all variations of “fry, boil, mix together”, and for me cleaning the house is so gratifying that if I could afford it I would never again put my hands in a bucket.

Now, why do I even need a paragraph to justify something that when talking about a man, does not deserve a single phrase? Why my loving husband does not think even for a split second to take a part time job, but does not think twice about asking me the same question? What would I think about a part time job? Same as him.

My friend, if you are considering the possibility of taking a part time job, remember how, when you were dating, each one would take care of one’s clothes and dishes would be done in shifts.  Now forget it. As your mother in law may remind you, “he works”. Part time job is not a real job. You may as well tick the box “baking muffins for the church”.

To the women like me, that understand one has to work more at home when becoming a mother, but think it is ridiculous that one do less when becoming a father, I recommend first to study a lot, and try to earn more than their husbands (earning more, not the same, is the one thing that guarantees equality), and I also recommend that, confronted with some stupidity, think about “what would he answer?”. It works in most situations.

-How can you manage, with the work and the kid?

-What can I do? Somebody has to make money. We need to eat

-But so much time in the day care…

-Yeah, poor thing. I’m sure he misses his father

-You haven’t done the ironing for a while, have you?

-Love! Your mum is asking where we keep the iron

-No more bananas?

-Mhmm? If you are going out, could you please buy the paper?

-Being a working mum in Germany is terribly expensive

-True. But I would go mad if I stay home.