The otter model

Yesterday I was reading crap in the Internet and had one of those thoughts that could be called a epiphany or a celebration of obviousness. Not sure I just figured out the secret for a happy marriage or I’m about to write something really stupid. In any case, since we are among friends, here it is.

Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep to keep from drifting apart? There it is, I said to myself, the secret! The otters!

Imagine that for whatever reason, let’s say a time-space distortion caused by an overload that didn't received what he was asking for[1] one go to bed at night and have no idea where and when he will be in the morning. It could happen. In such situation I imagine all material things would lose the value. One would wake up a night in a mansion and the next under a bridge, and, at most, you could tie a hand to some small luggage, and of course, save the other hand to hold one’s partner.

If we had to hold hands every night to be sure of waking up together in the morning, we could not throw empty threats “if you don’t do the dishes I will leave the house” because the significant other would know that the offence does not justify such a brutal and definitive separation and would accept your bluff. “Go, do as you please, but if you don’t want to lose me forever in the midst of space and time, you better be home by midnight to hold my hand”.

Even the most despicable acts would have a resolution at night, without the need for additional drama. “you cheated on me, sold my mum to the mafia and sodomized my cat, but I’m not sure I want to leave you forever, so gimme that hand!”

If the moment came, when your partner does not want to give you his hand, you would suffer, of course, but you would at least spare yourself that embarrassing drunken messages and waking up at 3am to see if he is checking his wassap. The otter really is onto something.

I suppose after some time things would get messy, sordid, even. The concept “couple” would make no sense eventually, maybe except for catholic. Those would be handcuffed and the key thrown away in the sea. In general I’m sure we would end up solving our differences in a more primitive way “since I cannot get away from you, even for one night, I will give you my hand only after leaving all its traces in your face”.

Anyway, if it wasn’t for the business trips and the long Celtic Heroes nights, I would be ready to try the otter model. I like holding hands.

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[1] And who would blame the world government for not paying. The way things are right now, Spain would need to pay its contribution in debt and concrete.